Many of my clients have related to me, that they intend to have a meaningful conversation about their Estate Planning with their kids over these next few weeks when they get together for the holidays.
I think this is an important conversation to have, but the timing over the holidays could be the wrong time. There are so many emotions and thoughts going through their minds, during Christmas and New Years, that the information they are about to receive, may become lost or confused. In my own experience, I remember when my parents first spoke to me about their end of life wishes, and to say the least, it was uncomfortable and demanded my full attention.
Thinking back at that time, I am glad that “our talk” was not centered around a holiday table when I could focus on new memories, and not troubling ones.
While estate planning conversations with your children are never easy, they are imperative and as hard as it may be, it’s best to plan an appropriate family meeting when times are good instead of waiting until things go bad. Opening a line of communication between you and your kids will streamline the process while allowing you to explain what you want and why.
Here are four suggestions for discussing your estate plan with your adult kids.
Come Prepared To Talk and Listen
Estate Planning is an uncomfortable topic for most people. Before meeting, let your loved ones know the specifics of what you’d like to discuss. Doing so gives them time to prepare emotionally for a difficult conversation.
Remember to leave room for questions and prepare to engage in an honest, albeit challenging, discussion.
Lay Out Plans For Your Health
Your children want to know you’ll be okay, thus making conversations about aging especially hard to get through. Planning for a decline in health can save your children heartache, financial strain, and stress later down the line. Are there health concerns you’re facing now that could worsen the older you get?
Go over the “what if” scenarios to determine what type of ongoing care you want and how you’ll pay for it.
Some considerations to make include:
- If obtaining long-term care insurance is right for you
- Where you’ll live if you can’t care for yourself (nursing home, retirement community, move in with family)
- Who will care for you (family, part-time nurse,)
- Who will make decisions on your behalf
Medical expenses can drain your retirement account quickly, especially those not covered by insurance. That’s why addressing these potential concerns now helps protect your nest egg and reduce the financial burden on your children.
Let Them Know Who Is Doing What
Estate planning requires the participation of multiple people (who aren’t you) to carry out your wishes. That’s a big responsibility to put on others, and you need to determine the best people for the job.
Also, consider your children’s availability. If one is busy raising three kids under 10, they probably lack the time needed to truly meet your needs. On the other hand, if your oldest son has a track record of mishandling money, it’s in your best interest (and theirs) to have someone else manage the finances of your estate.
Once you’ve chosen who will be doing what, give your kids access to the necessary paperwork, passwords, login info, and documents needed to fulfill their responsibilities.
Whatever your final wishes look like, let everyone know now. Doing so gives them time to process and offers you a chance to explain your reasoning or clarify your intentions. Holiday time has just too many distractions built in.
Be Educated! Be Proactive!
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